We’ve been married for 10 years, and now I’m fed up with my wife. If I could choose again, I think I would have made a better choice. I’m from Kerala, I moved north to attend university and then worked. During this time, I met her – also from Kerala – by chance through an acquaintance.

My first impression of her was that she was unremarkable, very quiet, reserved, with a perpetually sad expression on her face, only occasionally managing a polite smile, making her difficult to approach. Even in a crowd, she would withdraw into a small corner, hardly noticed. Later, we kept in touch and got to know each other for a while, and I learned about her circumstances.

Her parents died in a car accident when she was in 11th grade. She suffered for a long time. Coming from a small family, with her parents renting a house, she received no significant inheritance after their death, and there was no one to help her. Without money to cover her living expenses, she had to drop out of school for a year, then worked as a waitress in dhaba restaurants and did various odd jobs to make ends meet. Despite her average academic performance, she saved up and enrolled in school, eventually completing a college degree before starting work.

When we met, we were both working. My salary at the time was only enough to cover living expenses and send a small amount back to my parents in Kerala; there was nothing left over. Her salary was about the same as mine then, but thanks to her frugal lifestyle, she had saved several million rupees for herself. Before that, I had unrequited crushes on two people during my school and work years, but neither reciprocated, perhaps because I was short, had acne, and lacked something substantial. She and I were each other’s first love. During our relationship, she was very caring and attentive to me. Occasionally, on weekends, she would make time to come to my apartment and cook delicious traditional Kerala dishes for me. When I had job interviews or special occasions, she would take me shopping for new kurta clothes so I would look neat and presentable.

As for me, from the time we started dating until now, I’ve never given her a gift. Sometimes, when we argue, she feels hurt and asks why I’ve never given her flowers or even a small gift, so she could feel cared for and appreciated by her boyfriend. Over time, she didn’t see any reaction or change in me, so she accepted it, seeing it as my reserved personality. She doesn’t know that I occasionally order gifts online to send to my parents in Kerala. I found her very sincere, so after a few years of dating, we decided to get married.

A year after our wedding, we put down a deposit on an apartment near central Delhi using her savings from her single days, and took out a bank loan for the rest. Two years after our marriage, our son was born, and that’s when the Covid pandemic broke out. My wife’s company closed down, and she was unemployed for 4-5 months. I knew she was worried, sad, and stressed, but I was still very upset because my salary was 1.4 million rupees, and the bank loan was already 600,000 rupees, making it very stressful to earn money alone. We argued frequently, and I urged my wife to find a job.

After that… my wife started working part-time and still does, earning a modest salary. My salary covers the monthly bank loan and household expenses, and I give my wife 200,000 rupees each month for groceries, cooking, and personal spending. Her salary is saved up for the bank loan repayments. During the time we were paying off the bank loan, my wife and I still provided our children with the best and most comfortable things within our means, sparing nothing. However, my wife became increasingly frugal. She wore her sari and salwar kameez until they were worn out and tattered, saving the money to pay off the debt. After six years, we finally paid off the bank loan, but my wife’s saving habits remained unchanged, only occasionally spending a little more than before. My job has been quite stable for the past three or four years, and paying off the debt ahead of schedule was thanks to my high salary and ability to cover all household expenses. I’ve never let my wife manage my salary or control the family finances. Everything is under my control; she doesn’t know my exact salary, and I’ve never needed to know the details of my monthly expenses, not even the gifts I give my parents.

Now I find my wife very boring and lacking in ambition. My career is improving, while she remains sluggish and lazy. She’s practically free all day but doesn’t bother to improve her skills. Every morning she wakes up around 6 am, takes our son to school, comes home at 7 pm, then sleeps in until 9 pm before getting up to work. In the afternoon, she works for a short while, then prepares to clean, cook, pick up our son, feed him, and bathe him. After that, she washes the dishes, mops the floor, takes a short walk around the neighborhood, then comes home and plays on her phone until almost night before going to bed.

I’m unhappy with my wife’s laziness. I leave for work at 9 am, come home for dinner, play with the kids for a bit, and then go to bed with them. My wife doesn’t contribute much throughout the day, besides cooking dinner, taking the kids to and from school, bathing them, feeding them, and doing very basic housework—just to get it over with. I’m the one who handles all the broken appliances and household purchases. When she was still working, she used to tell me a lot of trivial things about her job, which I found annoying and didn’t want to hear. I didn’t have the time or the inclination to listen to such petty matters.

Now she’s become less talkative, only sharing things related to the children. When things gradually stabilized, I suggested having another child, but she refused, saying she wasn’t ready, either physically or mentally. Sometimes she hints at depression. I think that’s just an excuse for her lethargy. I pressed her for an explanation, and my wife said that right now she just wants to focus on maintaining a stable family life with her husband and son. If something were to happen or we divorced, she wouldn’t be able to support two children, so she doesn’t want to have more, causing herself and her children suffering.

My wife is introverted, has almost no friends, and her life revolves around her family. I am very responsible and devoted to my family, so when she said she didn’t want more children, I was very confused and shocked, which only made me more fed up with her. In terms of both personality and appearance, I feel she’s not outstanding in any way. Even her current job is just luck; if she can no longer work there, she’ll have a hard time finding another job. Her abilities are weak; she doesn’t know English, so how can she compete with today’s dynamic young people? At that point, she’ll be completely dependent on me.

My whole family says that, given my wife’s circumstances, she’s lucky to have met a responsible and devoted man like me. Thanks to my good job, she has a stable life and a home like we do now, but I don’t feel the need to pay as much attention to her anymore. Right now, I just want to work and take care of our son; she can choose how she wants to live.